


Nothing changed at all

by USSRomanoff



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Clintasha - Freeform, F/M, stereotypical love triangle
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-24
Updated: 2014-11-23
Packaged: 2018-02-10 07:10:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2015781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/USSRomanoff/pseuds/USSRomanoff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint comes back from a solo mission to face the aftermath of SHIELDs fall, only his biggest challenge isn't finding a new line of work.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

She promised when he got back from his mission that they would finally talk about their relationship. Or whatever it was. Clint knew something was going to get in the way of that. It always did. Just when he was close to making real progress with Natasha and being able to break through all of the walls that she put up, that was when some née development would keep him from actually getting anywhere. Of course this time everything had to blow up in their faces.

Yet with everything about SHIELD falling apart and HYDRA surfacing, that wasn't the real problem. No the real problem right now was the return of Natasha's long lost, tragic and angst filled love. The Winter Soldier, or as he now knew-- James Barnes. Clint never disliked a name quiet as much before now. 

Their meeting went much like the first time Natasha saw him after joining SHIELD, he shot her. Punctured her perfect ivory skin in the shoulder. The first time had been different, Clint and Natasha had just been teammates and nothing more. Now they were moving towards something more serious and he had a feeling it wasn't going to end how he wanted. 

Natasha brooded the whole time when Clint returned. She tried to save face and act like nothing was wrong but he could tell. When he kissed her she was stiff and slow to respond, in bed she was just as stiff and refused to talk. Making him nervous that she was trying not to call out anything other than Clint's name. Yet when he tried to ask if she was okay she rolled her eyes at him and insisted she was fine while holding him closer. 

Laying in bed with her, post-coital tension hung heavily in the room. She massaged her shoulder silently, the pink puckered skin still looking raw. He knew she wasn't going to want to talk about it, she hated being pressed but he couldn't just lay there and not bring it up. 

"I seem to remember you promising that we would discuss us and being a real couple when I got back," he started, not quite wanting to talk about the other issue right now. "I'm back now so--" 

Natasha let out an exasperated sigh interrupting him. "Don't you think maybe we have bigger issues to deal with than figuring out who we're going to the prom with?" 

Clint frowned, she was trivializing it already. Acting like he was some besotted teenager for wanting to actually define what they were. To be able to show her affection whenever he wanted without her getting irritated with him and reminding him that they could be seen. 

"Personally, I feel like it's the perfect time. SHIELD is no more, we don't have to worry about the issues of being two agents in a relationship and the restrictions that can have. We don't have to worry about being found out and reprimanded," he shrugged and leaned over to tuck a lock of red hair behind her ear. "Think about it Tasha, there's literally nothing to stop us from being together. I can kiss you in public and no one could say shit about it." 

"I've got my plate full with trying to create and new alias, talking with stupid politicians on Capitol Hill, searching for-- HYDRA..." She trailed off and Clint had more than a suspicion that it wasn't HYDRA agents she was thinking of tracking down. 

"Did he even recognize you?" he finally snapped. He was tired of her pretending that this whole thing wasn't about him. Him and his stupid face. Well, Clint wasn't exactly sure what he looked like but he was willing to bet anything that he had a stupid face. 

"I don't know who you're talking about," she said, feigning confusion. She was a good liar, a damn good liar, but after years and years of closely working with her and seeing her on and off the field, Clint had picked up on some clues for when she was lying. They weren't always consistent but there were times when he just knew. 

" _Him_ , Natasha. The wiener soldier," he said, even now he couldn't say his real name. Or even his real code name. He had to make a dig at him for taunting him, nor he was sure to regret when Natasha angrily called him childish. 

"It's the Winter Soldier," she said, jaw clenched and mouth set in a firm line. She was mad now. Well she had been irritated before but now he was really tempting that temper of hers. "And I didn't really get a chance to ask if he remembered me since I was busy fighting him and trying not to get killed." 

Now Clint had opened up a can of worms that he just couldn't close. He knew the best way to deal with the whole thing would be to back off and let her have space to brood over it. But he couldn't do that. He wanted her to want him, to have the same wistful look in her eye when she talked about him. It was stupid and selfish but he wanted her to give back as much as he gave her. 

"Great, so you'll stop mooning over him and pining away?" He asked. Her face began to turn red and he knew he'd struck a nerve too deep for her to pretend otherwise. She couldn't keep her mask up now. Which was both good and bad, good because he was tired of her hiding behind walls and not actually talking about what was wrong but bad because now all of her fury would be directed unfiltered towards him. 

"I'm not pining away for anyone," she said, she got out of the bed, putting it between them both. Now he really knew she was angry. She was trying to put distance between them before she started reacting violently. 

"Yes you are! That's the real reason why you won't talk to me about this! Why you don't want to commit to being with me. Because he's back and there's some small chance he might come waltzing back into your life and whisk you off your feet by his metal arm. You can't bear the thought of him being back off the ice and not in your arms," he told her, accusations flying and her fists curling up at her sides. Clint was tired, he'd worked so hard at the damage Mr. Wiener had left in his wake. Trying to climb over those walls Natasha had built up because of him. It had gotten him no where. She'd much rather slip back into being with him than agreeing to be Clint's girlfriend. It didn't matter that he'd been there for her, helped her through her toughest moments. She was really still this young Russian girl whose only bit of romance came from kisses stolen out of sight of her superiors, only to be torn apart. 

Natasha didn't respond as he got up and started throwing his clothes back on. She just watched silently, she was going to let him go without a word. That was how much he mattered to her. He was just her plaything until James returned. 

Dressed, Clint turned his eyes to her green ones. He couldn't read her expression. She had hidden behind a mask and he doubted she would come out from behind it. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, well now was as good a time as any before he chickened out and decided it wasn't important. 

"I love you," he told her plainly. "I've loved you for so long Natasha, and I really wanted you to be able to feel that. I wanted it to be strong enough to break through every wall and door you slam in front of me, but I guess it's not enough or maybe too little too late sort of thing. I don't know, I know that you get uncomfortable with the idea of love-- but I feel like if I don't tell you now I never will. So I love you and I just want you to be happy, which means without me." Clint sighed, there was so much more he wanted to say but he wasn't good with words. That was the best he could manage so that's what he gave her. 

Natasha nodded slowly, not speaking but her face looked softer. He couldn't decide if she was sad or what that was. He supposed it was time to give up trying to read her. That would be for James if he ever got his memories back of her. Clint turned to leave. He said what he had to say and now he just needed to leave her be. 

Natasha opened her mouth and he turned his head. "Out with it Romanoff," he said when she started to close her mouth again. 

"Don't forget that you left your keys on the kitchen counter," she said. Clint's shoulders slumped, that was all she had to say to him. He nodded and left her bedroom, stooping by the kitchen to grab his keys. Next to it was a small crudely wrapped package that he'd brought back for her. He liked bringing her back cheesy souvenirs when he was on solo missions because they made her laugh. He left it on the counter. She could do what she liked with it, most likely through it in the trash. Clint left her apartment and headed out into the street. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and slumped along. Maybe he could find a dive bar and drink till he forgot her. That was the Barton way, right?


	2. Chapter 2

Natasha sat holding a lukewarm cup of coffee on her couch, she stared out the sliding glass door that led into her balcony. She sighed and set the coffee aside, she hadn't touched it, just poured and sat with it. Clint hasn't called or texted her and she had a feeling he wasn't about to contact her first. It wasn't often that he got worked up like this but he wasn't about to let this go easily.

He was overreacting, she hadn't said anything and he was going on about how she wasn't over James. She had been perfectly content to pretend she wasn't effected by his return but when Clint wouldn't let it go and kept picking and picking at it. Natasha wasn't wanting to pick between. Even if she did, what good what it do when James had zero recognition when he looked at her and shot to kill. 

She couldn't sit around like this. Natasha couldn't sit and think over James or even Clint and their last conversation. She needed to get out of her apartment but it wasn't as easy as picking up another mission from SHIELD. 

Natasha ended up calling Maria Hill up, seeing if she had anything in the works or something she needed help with. Maria was in New York with Stark, putting things together and helping Fury to track down what HYDRA they could find and flush out. 

Maria had something, which wasn't surprising considering how many HYDRA agents there were and how few of them there were to combat them. There was a hidden base that Hill had uncovered in the Amazon and needed someone to infiltrate and take it down. Natasha's lips curled upwards, this was thing she was good at, not sorting out feelings that were convoluted and complicated, taking out an entire HYDRA base. This she could do. 

The base was a small research facility, minimal combat HYDRA agents would be present. Most of them would be security. Natasha had to eliminate all present agents, extract all their files and torch the rest of the facility. She just had to find it hidden in the rain forests. Hill had a general location which spanned three mile radius of deep forest. 

Natasha packed as quickly as she could and went to a private airport to meet a Stark owned jet. She could only land a hundred and thirty miles away from the location that Hill had given her, which meant she had a long hike through rough terrain. It would take her a while to discover a hidden base as well. Hill didn't have many details on it but Natasha would make it work. She packed what she needed and got the supplies she didn't have. Unlike SHIELD protocol, Stark insisted on wanting to stay in contact with her so there was a Stark Industries phone waiting for her in the jet. 

Piloting the jet was simple enough, she preferred having a co-pilot but that brought her thoughts back to Clint. She sighed as she readied for take-off, why did Clint have to get so worked up? Making this about choosing between him and James was ridiculous especially when no one knew where James was at the moment. 

Natasha frowned at how easy the jet was to fly, there was nothing to keep her mind from thinking about Clint. She sighed heavily, this was just going to be one long trip with herself and her thoughts. Of all the things to say, he had to confess to being in love with her. She cared for Clint, she really did but she also didn't feel comfortable with the word love. Years in Red Room had put her off of it. She rubbed the bridge of her nose, that was a can of worms that she didn't want to open. Her Red Room memories were a dangerous path to tread, so many of her memories were altered from then, thinking on them tended to be dangerous. She often found herself plagued by nightmares when she thought about Red Room. 

Aside from James, that is. Her memories of James were the only good ones she had, the only ones that didn't send her into a state of paranoia. Especially lately, as she discovered she was actually working for HYDRA, an organization not unknown for messing about with someone's memories. She had no way of knowing if HYDRA had altered her memories in any way, not for sure. 

James and Clint. Neither would leave her mind alone and give her some sort of peace. It was frustrating, especially when she knew how much time she had alone with her thoughts. The conversation she had with Clint just kept repeating over and over in her head. She might have been able to stay, but at least she was doing something. 

She landed the jet and unloaded her backpack. She started her hike, making a decent way into the forest before setting up camp. She called up Tony as soon as she was inside her tent. She let him know where she was currently and her status. She hung up when he started wanting to make some small talk. 

Her decent into the rainforest was slow. Natasha wasn't able to make a straight path to the location Hill had given her. Every day if she didn't check in with Stark he called her, wanting to know how she was faring. It was slow and didn't keep her mind busy as she wanted. Once she almost called Clint using the phone Stark had given her but thought better of it. She could sort the mess out that was her life later. She had purposefully run away from it, in fact. 

After close to two weeks of walking, Natasha reaching the edge of the area Hill had given her. It was supposed to be an underground facility which meant slowly sweeping the area, moving even slower as she broke the area into grids. Stark kept telling her they were working on refining the search on their end but as of yet, no luck had come of that.


	3. Chapter 3

Sitting and stewing on his own didn't really work out as planned for Clint. He wanted to be alone but for some reason it suddenly became the time to call Barton up and ask him to come hang out. He swore he didn't usually have these many friends. He could only come up with so many excuses before he caved.

Rogers invited him to a poker night at his new friend Sam Wilson's house. Clint did like poker and maybe having a night out with some guys would help him stay distracted from thoughts of Natasha. Probably not but he should try. 

He ended up earlier than he thought getting to Sam's house. He'd never met the other man but he knew that he was friends with Steve and Natasha. Knocking on the door Sam was prompt to answer. 

"Hey," Sam said letting him in, "You're Clint right? Steve told me he was inviting you. You're a bit early though man. Want a beer while I set up the poker table?" 

Clint nodded while he looked around Sam's place. "Yeah a beer would be great, who else is coming?" He asked. 

Sam got a beer for him and started unfolding a small card table. "Well I think besides you and me it's just Steve and his friend Bucky." 

"Oh," Clint said dryly. He had no idea Steve had gotten in contact with him and that he was inviting him to come out with them. He would never have come if he knew that. He came to stop thinking about Natasha not come face to face with her ex-lover who was the reason he was upset in the first place. Clint thought mildly about whether it was actually too late for him to leave. 

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Steve swears it will be good for him but I am a bit afraid he's still unstable. We'll see, it's not like I don't trust Steve but I don't think his judgement is very good when it comes to him." 

That wasn't what Clint's reservations were about but now that he thought about it that was also a good reason to not want to be here. Especially if he was so unstable, Clint was likely to shoot off his stupid mouth. He didn't plan on it but he knew that was how he usually operated, he didn't think too much before speaking. 

The discussion of James, or Bucky, or whoever the hell he was came to a halt when a knock at the door alerted them to Steve and that asshole had arrived. Sam opened the door and welcomed them in, offering beers which both turned down. Clint snorted into his beer as he brought it to his lips. He knew Steve didn't really drink because he couldn't get drunk but how boring was this other guy. Clint looked at him through narrowed eyes. He was definitely in that tall, dark and handsome category, although Clint didn't like his predatory look even as he looked like he was trying his best to look non-threatening. 

Clint felt hostile towards him even though he hadn't done anything. He shook his hand when Steve introduced them but didn't say anything to the other man as they stood in Sam's entryway. Sam looked uncomfortable as well but he pulled it together to appear like it didn't phase him. Clint wasn't sure why Steve would bring him. Sam's only other experience had been fighting him, and having him in his own home didn't seem to sit too easy with Sam. 

Clint sat down between Sam and Steve, facing across from him. He couldn't figure out the perfect seat and this seemed the best option because he sure as hell didn't want to sit next to him. He focused on his cards for the majority of the time, not adding much to the sparse conversation. He half-listened but his attention faded in and out, he looked up at attention when her heard Natasha's name being mentioned. 

"You hear from Natasha lately?" Sam asked Steve, apparently grasping desperately for some sort of conversation. 

"Not directly, but I heard from Hill that she's on a mission tracking down some HYDRA base," Steve replied. 

Clint raised his eyebrows high as he listened. "Wait, who did she take with her?" 

"I'm not sure but I'm pretty sure she went alone," Steve replied with a slight frown. 

"Are you kidding? This isn't SHIELD, we don't have the same resources to just send people out on their own, what the hell is Hill thinking?" Clint couldn't help but get upset at this news. 

Bucky had stayed quiet most of the night but he spoke up suddenly. "Sorry, but who is Natasha?" He asked. 

Clint couldn't even try to control his anger. "Wow, you can shoot a woman twice but not even bother to remember her. Nice, bro," he didn't even try to hide his snort this time. Natasha pined after this guy and he didn't think twice about her. Okay, so he has had brainwashing but God, if they had such a whirlwind romance he would think something would stick. 

Clint knew he'd said the wrong things a hushed silence fell over the table. He glanced at Steve and he was visibly pissed. Sam just looked like he was ready for a fight to break out and was assessing how he was going to deal with that whole thing. 

"That's way out of line, Barton," Steve said, voice sounding dangerous. Clint was too far gone in this to listen to the edge in his tone. 

"No, he's out of line. No one is even comfortable around him and yet we're supposed to pretend like this is some great guys night. Fuck that, and fuck you Barnes." Clint stood before Steve could say anything more and stormed out of Sam's place. 

It was really too bad because he really liked Sam so far. But he doubted they'd hang out again. He was going to be remembered as that crazy dude that blew up at poker night over a guy with memory problems not knowing who they were talking about.


End file.
